By Lauren Denos: 11/9/2014 (Mindset)

“It's not fair” is a phrase that many of us have running through our head at one time or another. It's not fair that Susie can eat whatever she wants and stay slim and beautiful. It is not fair that Howard is a natural, top salesperson without even having to work for it. It is unfair that Jessica has the perfect job and is so happy, while I am so miserable.

Frankly, your “it's not fair” could be anything. But, more importantly, why is this thought getting to you? Is it helping you even the playing field? Is it making you feel any better about your situation? My guess would be no.

So what if life is not fair? You work with what you have. You can get around your “it's not fair”s, but you have to choose to start seeing things in a different light. We are all born with challenges and gifts. You don't want to ignore the challenges, otherwise they continue to haunt you. The trick is to pay more attention to the gifts than the challenges. Challenges are meant to be dealt with and move on, not to dwell on.

Let’s look at some health examples of this. Let's say your “it's not fair” is you are overweight. You have to watch every little thing you put into your mouth, workout like crazy and still you don't slim down the way you think you should. But what do you have? You are strong, you have plenty of muscle, and since you have probably read all there is on how to eat healthy you now have so much information on how to eat correctly that you have even less standing in your way. Now here's the other kicker with this, for many people an issue like this one with keeping the weight on is some other health condition going on, like hormones or blood sugar problems. If you decide to keep looking for answers, when you find it, you will lean down. But when you do, you will already have all that great muscle mass and knowledge to keep you in rocking shape. So really, you will wind up coming out ahead.

Everyone has their own it's not fair. All the time in the gym I see the skinny girls that think it is not fair that they cannot build tons of muscle, and then I see the naturally muscular women wish they could be skinnier. It seems like we are never happy with what we have, and while we should always be striving to do more in our lives we also need to balance that out with seeing what we do have and what is wonderful in our lives. Drop the “it's not fair.” It gets you nowhere and makes you feel miserable. If there is something you want that you do not have, figure out how to move towards having it. Do not begrudge someone else who has it already. You do not know what struggles they are dealing with, or what they went through to get there. While working towards what you want, focus on what you do have that you are happy about.

Look at your positive attributes. An issue that some people deal with is they spend so much time in the “it's not fair” game that they cannot see many positive aspects of their own lives. If you have this issue then pick one thing. It could be that you have great discipline, strong legs, or you like your eyes. If you are having trouble thinking of anything positive then simply think about how lucky you are to be alive and have the chance to change things around. You get to have another day to look at the sky, to admire the flowers, to smile at one more person, and maybe make a difference in their life as well!

Everybody has their own strengths. Some people are great at business, but not at relationships. Some are good at creating friends everywhere they go, but are horrible at business. Still others have an easy time with their health and fitness, but struggle to find a direction in life. There are pro's and con's for everyone. Start to realize that your strengths are awesome and you can get ahead with what you have available. What are your natural strengths? How can you use them more? What is positive in your life that you can focus on?

Your problems may not be as bad as you think. There is a common saying that if everyone was to put their problems into a bowl, you would most likely grab yours back once you see everyone else’s problems. Everyone has their challenges, you are not alone in this. Make it a point today to start seeing what you do have. When you do this and start to focus on what you do have, verses what you do not, the world becomes a happier place for you. After all, happiness in one form or another is what we are all striving for.



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