By Lauren Denos: 1/18/2015 (Mindset)

It is interesting that we are the one person that will be there for ourselves for the rest of our lives, and yet many of us can to tend to treat ourselves so badly.

Think about this for a minute. You may have the best marriage in the world and the most supportive family and friends, but you are not guaranteed any of them will stick around. However, no matter what, you will always have yourself. How you treat yourself, as your worst enemy with your harshest critique or as a best friend, is entirely up to you. I admit that some of these things can sound like you are working towards a multiple personality disorder, but it is healthy.

#1 Support yourself. We tend to support our friends no matter what is going on in their lives, but we fall way short of the mark when we need to do this for ourselves.

#2 Cheer yourself on. You are your own best cheer leader. Most of the successful people we see in our world have had to be their own cheer leaders because what they wanted to accomplish was considered crazy. You know what your dreams are, you see the path to make them a reality, but others around you do not always see that as clearly as you might.

#3 Create better self-talk. Do not berate yourself.

#4 Use positive affirmations. Positive affirmations are statements that affirm a positive belief. Some people like to make sure they rhyme, but that is a personal choice. The most important thing with affirmations is that they inspire you and make you feel good.

A positive affirmation could be:

  • I am now excitingly moving in the direction of all that I can be
  • I love that now I always make the right decisions
  • I now see so many exciting opportunities around me at all times
  • I now love and embrace the adventure of life
  • I am now overjoyed to be learning and growing so much

Positive affirmations should be stated in a positive way. You want to say what you want verses what you do not want. For example, if you were wanting to lose weight you would not say I am no longer heavy, you would say I love feeling lean. Positive on what you want, not what you do not want.

They should have feeling words in them such as loving, joyous, happily, excitedly etc. These words evoke feelings in us and the more you can feel what you are saying the better affirmations will work for you. In fact the more sense you feel when you are doing any exercise like this the better, it makes it feel more real.

Add NOW into them. This is letting yourself know that you are in the moment of this affirmation, which takes it away from being some obscure in the future event. The point of this is that the brain starts to believe this and moves us closer towards what we are working towards. That being said, if you are using now and it sounds like such BS that you cannot seem to believe it even a little bit, then use the word "becoming or starting" until you feel better about the affirmation being used. This curbs much of the instances where your brain will call your "bullshit," and letting you know which ones work and which don’t. Remember, you want to feel good about it, so be honest with yourself. Then when you start feeling better about the affirmation process, you can switch to now. For example: if "I am now loving my lean health body" is too much for you to believe then you could say, "I am loving becoming lean and healthy."

#5 Be there for yourself even in tough times. It is easy to go into a downward spiral when things start to look bad. During these times you need to let yourself know it is okay to feel these emotions and let yourself express them. When things are happy it is much easier to be there for ourselves, but tough times is when you do need to step up for yourself. What would you do for a friend in this situation? You would listen to them, you would grab them a cup of coffee, let them know you are there for them. Next time you are in a difficult time, I want you to think of what you would do for a friend in this situation and do it for yourself.

#6 Forgive yourself. If you are one of the people who look back on your past a lot, and when you do you get embarrassed or upset with yourself for what you did, then look back on these scenarios and see what lessons you learned in this situation. If you can learn anything at all from it then it was a successful lesson. The other thing you can do is laugh about these past occurrences, because really, many times it was just ridiculous. We have all done plenty of stupid things in life and made plenty of mistakes. That is part of being human. So let it go. You learned from it and it is time to move on.

#7 Compliment yourself when you do something well. Many people have an issue with complimenting themselves when they do something well. We are taught to be super humble, and humble is good, but there is nothing wrong with telling yourself what a great job you did. The difference is when you are telling everyone else how amazing you are then yeah they can start to see you as a little bit egotistical, but you telling yourself what a great job you did is healthy and builds your self-esteem up in a great way.

#8 Be aware of all your great qualities. We all have qualities that are wonderful and unique to us. Build upon those. Acknowledge them. Recognize, too, that we all have unique things about us that make us special. Realizing this, and that no one can ever do what you do in exactly the same way you do is a great self-esteem booster. For me, I am a writer and a health and fitness professional. Are there other people that do what I do? Sure. But I write in my own unique voice, I will reach people in a different way. So yes, there may be tons of people that do what you do, but you have special unique qualities that makes how you do it differently.

#9 Don't worry about being perfect. None of us are perfect. We are all works in progress and it continues that way for the rest of your life. If you are worried because you do not have your life all figured out or have all the answers well, I have news for you, you never will. You will get more comfortable, but you will never have it all figured out. So stop worrying about being perfect and just enjoy the journey of learning.

There is no time like the present to start treating yourself with the love and respect you deserve. It is much more satisfying to have this within yourself instead of having to rely on an outside source to make you feel good about who you are. You will be the one person who is guaranteed to be with you for the rest of your life so you might as well start loving your own company.



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